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Poetry for Developers

June 6th, 2017 | CJ Horton

With apologies to Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, and Edgar Allen Poe.

Because I could not stop for Tests

Because I could not stop for Tests –
They kindly stopped for me –
The Console held but just “Build failed” –
And failure Messages three.

I fixed the first – a Feature, broken
By a clever turn of Code –
I fixed the second, a Syntax error,
I fixed the third – oh no –

Since then – ’tis Centuries –
and yet One stubborn Test I see
I must surmise this Testing suite
Tests but my urgency

The Merge Conflict Not Taken

Two files diverged in a Git repo,
And sorry I could not include both
And have one project, long I stood
And thought through one as far I could,
To where it fell victim to JS growth;
Then picked the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Since it used ES6 syntax, writ with care.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how change leads on to change,
I doubted if I should return to this git stash.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
In some blog post ages hence:
Two files diverged in a repo, and I–
I took the one more modernized,
And that has made all the difference.

The Slackbot

or

Accidentally Setting a Slack Reminder for Midnight Instead of Noon

Once upon a midnight dreary,
While I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious
File of outdated code,
While I nodded, nearly napping,
Suddenly there came a tapping,
As of a Slack notification happening,
Happening on my laptop screen,
“’Tis some @here ,” I muttered,
“Happening on my laptop screen –
Only this and nothing more.”

Back into the code returning,
Blinking dry eyes to stop the burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping
Just the same as came before.
“Surely,” said I, “surely
That’s a general notification;
Let me see, then, what it is,
And this mystery explore –
Let my heart be still a moment
And this mystery explore; –
’Tis a general notification, and nothing more!”

Open then! I pulled up Slack,
And then, with much alas, alack,
I saw a new DM awaiting -
“It’s midnight, for God’s sake!”, I swore.
A server failure? A botnet attack?
I closed my eyes and clicked it fast,
I read the message, blinked, and laughed;
And felt relief set in at last,
For on the screen was naught but
A reminder that I’d set that morn:
Quoth the Slackbot, “Nevermore.”

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